The Worst

Last night I dreamt of suicide/ natural as a knee jerk/ or picking off a scab in your sleep/ no-one gave a damn/ I was gone; pushed out like a Valhalla crew/ or a nocturnal omission/ had permission/ we shook hands/ said our farewells/ and apologies/ no-body cried/ we knew it was for the best/ that the germ of my living had to be dismantled like a bankrupt business/ and boarded up and crushed/ with me attatched/ When I left there was a solitary gasp/ a draught/ there were lovers who swore they felt a twitch/ of a cold shudder/ a pinch/ as I cinched off/ but nothing permanent/ nothing that could leave a bruise/ or an elergy/ in it's wake

Then I awoke/ breathing the deep gasps of a drowned survivor/ the fingerprints of suicide had pressed little ruminated blood vessels against me/ little delighted bursts of capillaries/ that excited themselves open into little dirty blue paintballs/ love bites/ of living/ of life.

and the ripped innards/ the split skin/ the entrance and exit/ that licked wildly at you last night/ dribbled all over you/ like a person who's lost control of their neuro-sensory impulses/ proclaiming it's love in a sarcastic, spitting tone/ you tasted so sour afterwards/ transeference, I guess.

Told you about it/ you proved pitiless and bored/ shocked that I could speak/ maybe/ and the cadaever in me giggled/ though it might have been rigormortis/ and I could have sworn I heard it wolf whistle at that picture of you and your girlfriend together/ as I counted the cracks in your ceiling/ wondering how fast I'd be crushed if it were to fall in on top of me/ how sweet a moment/how brief a kiss/ how instant a karma.